Dreams ~ Teach!

(Originally posted on "Empowered Horsemanship" blog)

Have you ever had a dream that seemed real? Last night my dream had me back in school, as a STUDENT! Oh my! What was incredibly funny is, I was hiding from the teacher, I had not done my homework and was not prepared to give my presentation.

I was watching the student ahead of me give her presentation with one eye, while the other was looking at the clock, HOPING I would not be called on. Fortunately, there was not enough time left in the hour for me to present my project. Just 5 minutes, certainly not enough time, right??

By the way, I had no idea what my assignment was either! Oh my, talk about scary! Why do we have dreams like this in the first place?

Interestingly, I feel that way here too. I am not ready, nor am I capable of writing a blog for EMP because I have no idea what the assignment is, nor do I think I have anything to teach you. You are all so brilliant!

As my dream continued, I was asked to be prepared to give a report on a particular book tomorrow! I must have had a panicked look on my face because the teacher asked me in those teacher tones I know all too well, "You have read the book, right?"

I confidently answered, "YES!" Knowing full well, I had no idea what book she was talking about! However, since I am a good student, I knew the direction I could take it. At least it was about a book, right? I would find one, read it and be prepared tomorrow for the presentation! Sigh of relief!

The book is the story of my life, the journey I am on, the path I am traveling as it unfolds. It is a story of love between my horses and I, my students and I, the teams I am on, both horse and human. It is about feeling  fabulous or frustrated, about being a team member or not belonging, it is about following the feel, be it happy or sad, grateful or frustrated.

Eagles

I am savoring the feeling of being grateful for an 8 week position I had with special needs students. The students touched my life in ways that I will hold dear for years to come. I loved going to work each and every day. I stayed late, planning and preparing for the next day. I woke up early and enjoyed the beautiful drive to work and back. I had the privilege of seeing a pair of eagles sitting in a tree on my way home. What a site, I was soaring with eagles and they were following me home. WOW, what a feeling of joy and love this was for me. I had fabulous interactions with staff, parents and students. I belonged and financially I was rewarded for my efforts.

Now, I can soak in all I learned, felt and loved about those fabulous 8 weeks, and draw to me my next adventure.

I find that this week my thoughts are vacillating between cone/burr thoughts and beautiful barrel thoughts...

I had the best job ever.
Why did it have to end?
I will never have a job that great again!
I am so grateful that I had such a healing position! I did not even know I needed healing!
I felt like it was a great fit, almost perfect in fact.
I don't want to go back to daily subbing.
I want a job where I feel as though I belong.
I loved my job, darn, now I am grieving the end of it.
I know what I want now because I just felt it for 8 weeks. I felt so many wonderful feelings: loving, supportive, important, belonging, grateful, synergistic, creative, playful, active, fun, exciting, fluid, flexible, happy, peaceful, energized, easy, gifted, respectful and so many more zen feelings each and every day.

Happy, grateful tears streamed down my cheeks on more than one occasion. Tears from the overwhelming feelings of love I felt in this amazing school was palatable between the students, the staff and each other. I was included on this team ~ I belonged.

However, I must admit, there was one relationship in my life, at the same time, which was not all of the above, it was sticky, sneaky, difficult, resistant, fearful, undermining, unconfident, and dark.

My husband wrote me a note, a beautiful note and put it in my bag on Friday. It said, "Today is not the end, but the beginning of your next adventure!"

Every time the tears started to flow, as I said goodbye to the members of my short lived, fabulous team, a village filled with loving, gifted, supportive people, I thought of my husbands note and smiled.

Today, as my mind plays ping pong with the burr/cone and barrel thoughts, I recite his wise words and feel my mood lift.

I will find my place of belonging again!

Now, it is time to place my focus on all of the wonderful feelings I felt, so that I may create an adventure that vibrates at an even higher vibration of LOVE, full of all of the feelings I so gratefully experienced and then some!

Debbie and Jewel

Cheers!

"Heart Songs" and "Mirrors"

Have you ever had a vision of what your home could be, if only you had all the money in the world to make it look like those pictures in the magazines? Just this past weekend, I had the opportunity to see a home I designed and built, on a rather tight budget, in 1987.

What was interesting is it does not look as though it is full of love. It is sleek and shinny, clean as a whistle, the coverings are new, expensive and modern, but something is missing! After pondering this for a while, it occurred to me that the character is missing. It feels sterile and empty. It is missing the “heart songs” of the people who live there.

I felt a moment of grief, after viewing the 41 pictures. Grief for what might have been? Maybe! 

However, when I noticed the LARGE mirror that hangs on a basement wall, I smiled. I hung that mirror shortly after we moved in. It came from the living quarters attached to my parents indoor riding arena, which I once lived in. Trust me, I so wanted to take it with me to this home, but the buyer wanted it to stay. I let it go because it was not worth loosing the sale, over that mirror. In a way my "heart song" remains within the walls and sings loudly whenever someone passes by the mirror!

Jewel and Debbie

Our horses are now our mirror, they reflect our love, our energy and our journey! A couple weeks ago, we heard of a mare, Ruby, who needed a home. She has carried a rider, but apparently sweats profusely when being ridden away from the barn or herd. Since we believe we can help her with this, we decided to go check her out last Saturday. Upon meeting her, Dan thought she was perfect for him, so we agreed to take her. She has had a history of being a difficult trailer loader too! She reared, flipped over and landed on her back, in her effort to not load into the 2 horse trailer with a ramp, that brought her to the half way point. So, understandably, she had no desire to enter our trailer either. With a few moments of patient persistence from my husband and I, she hopped right into our trailer and unloaded with ease upon arriving home 3 hours later. 

Ruby

Throughout the week she has been adjusting. It has not been an easy adjustment. She was lethargic the first 24 hours and appeared to be calm and friendly. The second day however, when Dan was gently brushing her back she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. She tried to stay as far away from him as she possibly could. When loose, she ran away from both of us. She was also trotting, not gaiting, which concerned us a great deal. She is a Rocky Mountain and should have shown some steps of gait. Was she hurt from the fall? 

Ruby in the trailer

Over the next few days we spent time with her doing absolutely nothing until she was curious, than we played with her until she wanted to catch us. It is still winter here and she needed shelter. So we parked the trailer in the arena and made it her home. We fed her her hay from the back of the trailer the first couple of days. With colder weather coming we decided to move the hay to the front of the trailer. With just a little encouragement and a string around her neck, she figured out that she could go in and out. Within a day she was readily jumping into the trailer to eat her hay. 


She even started to hang out in the trailer a great deal of the time. It warmed my heart when I came home from work and saw her calmly standing inside her "HOME" looking out the back door at me.

Sunday, a week after bringing her home, she somehow opened the gate to her pasture and joined two of our horses in their pen. I noticed Duke all puffed up and animated. So I followed his focus. There she was standing calmly next to Ollie. Hawk must have noticed her about the same time because the dominance games began immediately. As I was putting on my coat to head out to separate her from "the boys", I watched her check out the single strand of hot electric 1 inch webbing stretched between the dry lot and the pasture. It easily holds Ollie and Hawk back from entering the pasture. They are tall! As I was putting on my hat, Hawk, one of the geldings, let out a kick in her direction. He did not connect as she darted under the tape into the pasture. Smart cookie. I chuckled. 

Sir Ollie

Ruby walked and trotted around the pasture. I haltered Sir Ollie and stood quietly with him, next to the web gate, as I watched the magical experience unfold before my eyes. Dan walked out to the pasture, halter and lead line in hand. She wandered all over the pasture, Dan wandered around it too. He looked at rocks, trees, the fence line and posts until she noticed him. When she did, she came up to him. He gave her a treat, rubbed her neck for a moment than waked away from her. She turned and walked the other way instead of following him. A moment later, he turned, faced her and went down on one knee. She turned toward him, looked at him, pawed the ground and proceeded to roll about 25 feet from him. She got up, shook, put her head down and nibbled on some grass, her ears and eyes focused on Dan. She lifted her head from the grassy area, mosied over to Dan and lowered her head next to him. He put her halter on from one knee. He gracefully rose to his feet, put his hand on her withers and walked toward us. It was beautiful and inspiring.

Dan and Ruby

We than went on an adventure together, we walked and mosied around the property. We noticed a line was down so we fixed the fence, walked through the trees, let them eat grass and wondered some more together. Ollie was SOOOOOOO CALM. It was fabulous. At one point, I noticed a pile of horse poop a few rows of pine trees in to the grove, which I thought was sitting on a deer path through the trees. So in the mood for a little adventure, I led the way in with Ollie following me confidently...but no, it was just a small circular dead end area! Oops, I had gotten us into a little pickle, which I had to get us out of. 

Ollie was a true partner, as I carefully backed him up between some dead, dry and sharp pine tree branches in order to give us both enough room to turn around. He followed my feel calmly as I proceeded to ask him to turn his front end around one step at a time, even though Ruby lost her confidence and was calling for him. This was funny, cause we were only 4 rows of trees in, she could have seen us if she had looked! 

Dan gently backed her up to keep her from joining us in the small space. This brought her attention back to him which was special. She lowered her head to his hand and waited for us to come back out. TRUST and "heart songs" are developing between them! 

After, I successfully led Ollie out of the woods, we continued on our peaceful, romantic walk. We took  turns leading as we traversed the property. On our walk back up to the barn, Dan jogged and Ruby followed him in the most beautiful smooth gait I have ever seen. It was heartwarming to see. 

WOW, what a wonderful ending to a fantastic, calm, relaxed walk with each other and our horses; our mirrors. 

Happy Valentines Day! 

Dream Vision Board

Here is a picture of my current Vision Board. I made it on Oprah.com which was very easy to do. This vision board is full of images of my current dreams. Enjoy! I made one almost a year ago, today I tweaked it a little to fit with my current dreams, passions and purpose!

Anna Mae Gold has a wonderful blog, here is the post she shared that explains the developing of a Vision Board if you would like more information. http://annamaegold.blogspot.com/2011/11/vision-board.html

                                               


                                                   Enjoy and thank you for visiting!

Dakota

Yesterday at 2:22 my buddy Dakota crossed over. Loving him enough to set him free from the pain was not easy for me. I felt that I had let him down. Yet, I know I did all I could to help him live a happy long life. My vet said he lived the longest with diabetes of any diabetic dog he had seen or heard about. So, I must have done something right. He was almost 14 years old. He had a tumor that my vet felt was from the first surgery he  had years ago after a brutal dog attack, by the neighbors dog, while we were bringing in horses from pasture, on our own property. He lost 70% of his pancreas at that time and suffered lots of internal damage. At that time, my vet called me and asked me if I wanted to let him go to sleep. I said, "NO, I had not said good bye yet!" That was the summer of 2003. Yesterday I said, "good-bye, until we meet again! Go soar with the eagles, buddy!"

Dan said, "I see him chasing deer or following the horses in from the pasture!"

"Yes, he will travel along by my side again, as I do chores and ride the trails!"

For after he was diagnosed with diabetes it was not long before he lost his sight. Interestingly, I did not realize it until he ran into the post by the gate to the barn. He was such a brave dog, who went to the barn with me until I finally noticed and realized he was not safe to go with me anymore.

Dakota had guided us in from a dark trail safely the summer before. We were in Custer SD. We had just arrived and decided to go for a quick ride before dark. Dakota went with us, he wore an electric collar that blinked when it was on. This helped him to keep his mind on staying with us and not running off on a deer trail. Long story that I will share another day. Anyway, he followed along behind us as always, as we made our way out of the campground we had stayed at many times in the past. We rode out a couple miles, turned around and came back the same way we went out. I knew my way and was not at all worried about the impending darkness. We were about a half mile from the campground when Dakota took the lead and veered off onto a not so well trodden trail about 25 feet before the trail Jewel, my horse and I wanted to take. Tatum's mule Molly followed Dakota. HMMM, that was odd. Dakota started to bark.. Hmm, that was odd too!

My daughter was not so confident in my memory, and said, "MOM, Molly and Dakota KNOW IT IS THIS WAY BACK! I think we need to go this way!"

"OK," I finally gave in, as I knew it was the same woods, just a different trail. It was VERY dark in the woods, Dakota's blinking light guided us back to the trailer as it blinked on the ground in front of him. Everyone was so relieved when we saw the last of the sun's rays shining through the woods and our trailer was in sight.

The next morning, Dan and I went for a quick ride out on the same trail before the kids woke up. We had gone about 5 minutes into the woods, when I turned to Dan and said, LOOK at all the downed trees from the spring storm on the OTHER TRAIL! Had we taken that trail, we would have been in a lot of trouble in the dark... Dakota had insisted that we follow this trail, the safe one. WOW!"

When Dakota could no longer see, I became his eyes and guided him with my voice or with my hand to safety just as he did our family those many years ago through the woods to the safety of our trailer. What a gift he was to me... may you be at peace my friend. I love you so!

Fascinating Toad.

Yesterday I removed a rotten wooden step and moved a bunch of cement blocks around to make them into temporary steps leading out to the back yard. I have always had a fascination with toads and was delighted this spring when I noticed one living under the step. As I was moving the blocks around, I saw him hopping down the tunnel which once led to dirt under the now removed step. Now the tunnels all led to the cement wall under my dining room door. I did my best to make sure he could get out but was not sure if this new configuration would be pleasing to him or not. I knew however, it was safer for me, as I did not want to fall through the rotten step. That thought was just not a pleasant one to entertain for long.

Last night I mentioned my concern for the toad to my daughter, she said, "he will adapt." I thought that was a simple but wise thought and one I felt spoke of truth. So, today as I walked down the now sturdy steps, my curiosity about where he was living got to me. I went back into the house to get a flashlight and used the light to peer down each tunnel. I was disappointed as I could not see him in any of the tunnels made from the cement block.  All I saw were cobwebs, pebbles, dirt and that cement wall which certainly did not look very inviting for a toad. Each tunnel lead to a dead end with no land to settle himself into. I must say, I was a bit disappointed that I had not figured out a way to recreate a toad habitat yesterday.

After a moment or two, I thought, hmm I wonder if he is able to be safe under a board I had left near the steps.. so I picked it up and peered under it. No toad, hmmm, my instinct was to keep looking. I told you I was curious. We have a tall storage bin sitting on the ground next to the steps that I carefully picked up. Sure enough, there was the toad, all snuggled into the dirt under this bin. I was filled with joy and peace knowing he had indeed adapted as I carefully replaced the bin on top of him.

Sometimes we have to adapt to changes in our life just like this toad. Ahhh, don't you just love the lessons we learn from listening to whispering hearts!

Silver Bell, first day home... 14 weeks old... a Water Hound! Portuguese Water Dog - Walker Hound cross.

I took this picture at 3:00 pm today. Dan just uncovered her and plugged her
in. I will send a long another picture of her uncovered... We have had a lot of
snow today!

Boys will be boys!

Boys will be boys, this is Ollie on the left and Hawk on the right... they are playing in the blizzard. Lots of rearing, biting, running, bucking and kicking... lots of fun has been had by all of them!

Charm!

I love this picture of Charm standing over Jewel!

First snow fall of the 2010-11 winter. She sure has not changed much, has she?

I think he is cute with a huge blaze of white! Reminds me of that phrase, "GOT MILK?"

CUTE BOY!

Our funny horse Hawk.

Hawk enjoyed his first snow of the year. He just cracks us up.

Bright Color, Please!

When life becomes the unexpected, what do you do?

Getting sick at the beginning of a life changing opportunity has caused me to feel feelings I had not wanted to feel again. I feel sad, I feel a dream opportunity has been lost, again.

I am trying to see the positive in this moment. I am looking for that glimmer of gold that comes from looking deep into a situation... There must be a nugget here for me to hold onto!

I was so looking forward to starting Charm with Farrah's guidance. I was so looking forward to playing, working and writing about my experience. I had to give that up because I could not breath.

I was talking to a friend today and in the conversation I said, "I wonder if I had taken some allergy meds before I left, if I would have gotten sick?" Hind-site!

18 months ago a Dr suggested I start taking allergy medication by March 15th. He thought that if I did this I might avoid the spring cold/asthma attacks that plagued me most years. He is the one who told me that I am suffering from allergy induced asthma, until than I was always told it was a cold induced asthma. It never occurred to me that I may suffer an allergy/asthma attack this time of year. I don't know what exactly caused it either. Which is also frustrating! Was it this, this or that? Was it a combination of things? How do I avoid this in the future?

All I know is that today,  I am sad, disappointed and frustrated because I was forced to give up on a dream opportunity.

As my body heals from this "event" I will find another "door" to open somewhere, which will lead me to another adventure, even better than what was behind the door that was just shut. Now, I just need to start looking for that door.... If you see it, please paint it a very BRIGHT color so I don't miss it!

Moving Forward

I have decided that even though I started this blog for my trip to SD, I am going to continue it. Writing is an experience that comes from my heart. It is a gift of sorts that others have always encouraged me to do and share.  So, I am moving forward with my writing.

While Charm and I were gone, Dan put Hawk in with Jewel. They were fine in the barn. They had been together for 2 weeks a couple hours a day out in the pasture, but they had been separated when they came back into the barn/track system. Since, Jewel and Hawk were being really good barn buddies, I decided that Charm could just go in with them. Interestingly, she was way to tired to be rude when I put her in with Jewel and Hawk. Jewel moved her away from Hawk and stayed between the two for some time. This morning they were all playing together, running, bucking, biting each other on the butt and running around on the tracks. It is so good to have this herd established before winter arrives.

I am feeling much better with my meds on board. Having an allergy/asthma attack is NOT FUN. Now my lungs/throat/sinuses need time to heal.

Humm, still licking and Chewing...

Long story short, I am BACK from SD. I went out, I got sick, came back... Charm was a gem... a little RBI in the trailer, she was blinking, calm, quiet, but she did not want to eat any treats... just dropped them... it was a 4 hour trip each way... she stabled with a strange horse and came RUNNING to me every time I checked on her... Even calling out to me when she heard my voice... All and all a very different experience than I expected, but a good one.

99.9% Packed

YES, I have done it, I am ready! Well, as ready as I am going to be tonight. Just a few odds and ends to toss in tomorrow AM. Then load up Charm and we are headed west.

I trimmed 3 dogs and 2 horses today too. The others will be OK until my return. Dan made steak and squash for my last night at home. What a guy... It will be up to me to cook for myself while I am on my adventure. That in itself will be very interesting...

Time for dinner! Gotta go! I am leaving at 9 AM tomorrow morning! Next post will be from SD!

Packing/Laughing

I am packing and laughing, cause the comment my good friend made to me a week or so ago, "Pack a weeks worth of cloths," keeps going through my head! Yea right... a weeks worth of Fall cloths, Riding cloths, and Winter cloths... equals 3 weeks worth of cloths... along with shoes, boots, gloves, hats and jackets. What a hoot... but, I am finally starting to put things in BAGS... OH MY I am really going!

Planning/Packing

How does one plan to be gone from home for 2-8 weeks, with their horse? What do I take. What do I need? What will I forget? What can I do to help make life easier for my wonderful husband Dan, who will be home with the rest of the herd, cats and dogs?

I have made lists, and bought essentials. I have bought Nibble Nets to hopefully streamline feeding and help the horses to eat like they do all summer 24/7 on the tracks. As I will not be home to throw hay out more often.

I have washed everything I can think of and started packing. The trailer is clean, with food, minerals, salt, Saddle, 12, 22, hackamore, bareback pad, saddle, pad etc all ready to go.

Where am I headed? I am headed to Baltic SD to spend time with Farrah Green my 3 Star Parelli Instructor and friend, for 2-8 weeks. I will be the Temporary Office Manager, while Heartland Venture's Office Manager is out on Maternity leave.

I am excited and open to the adventure that lies ahead for Charm and I. I always say that when Farrah comes into my life, that it is "life changing." I am ready for the next leg of my adventure.

I THINK!

I leave on Sunday for the 3.5 hour drive to Baltic SD.