Dreams ~ Teach!

(Originally posted on "Empowered Horsemanship" blog)

Have you ever had a dream that seemed real? Last night my dream had me back in school, as a STUDENT! Oh my! What was incredibly funny is, I was hiding from the teacher, I had not done my homework and was not prepared to give my presentation.

I was watching the student ahead of me give her presentation with one eye, while the other was looking at the clock, HOPING I would not be called on. Fortunately, there was not enough time left in the hour for me to present my project. Just 5 minutes, certainly not enough time, right??

By the way, I had no idea what my assignment was either! Oh my, talk about scary! Why do we have dreams like this in the first place?

Interestingly, I feel that way here too. I am not ready, nor am I capable of writing a blog for EMP because I have no idea what the assignment is, nor do I think I have anything to teach you. You are all so brilliant!

As my dream continued, I was asked to be prepared to give a report on a particular book tomorrow! I must have had a panicked look on my face because the teacher asked me in those teacher tones I know all too well, "You have read the book, right?"

I confidently answered, "YES!" Knowing full well, I had no idea what book she was talking about! However, since I am a good student, I knew the direction I could take it. At least it was about a book, right? I would find one, read it and be prepared tomorrow for the presentation! Sigh of relief!

The book is the story of my life, the journey I am on, the path I am traveling as it unfolds. It is a story of love between my horses and I, my students and I, the teams I am on, both horse and human. It is about feeling  fabulous or frustrated, about being a team member or not belonging, it is about following the feel, be it happy or sad, grateful or frustrated.

Eagles

I am savoring the feeling of being grateful for an 8 week position I had with special needs students. The students touched my life in ways that I will hold dear for years to come. I loved going to work each and every day. I stayed late, planning and preparing for the next day. I woke up early and enjoyed the beautiful drive to work and back. I had the privilege of seeing a pair of eagles sitting in a tree on my way home. What a site, I was soaring with eagles and they were following me home. WOW, what a feeling of joy and love this was for me. I had fabulous interactions with staff, parents and students. I belonged and financially I was rewarded for my efforts.

Now, I can soak in all I learned, felt and loved about those fabulous 8 weeks, and draw to me my next adventure.

I find that this week my thoughts are vacillating between cone/burr thoughts and beautiful barrel thoughts...

I had the best job ever.
Why did it have to end?
I will never have a job that great again!
I am so grateful that I had such a healing position! I did not even know I needed healing!
I felt like it was a great fit, almost perfect in fact.
I don't want to go back to daily subbing.
I want a job where I feel as though I belong.
I loved my job, darn, now I am grieving the end of it.
I know what I want now because I just felt it for 8 weeks. I felt so many wonderful feelings: loving, supportive, important, belonging, grateful, synergistic, creative, playful, active, fun, exciting, fluid, flexible, happy, peaceful, energized, easy, gifted, respectful and so many more zen feelings each and every day.

Happy, grateful tears streamed down my cheeks on more than one occasion. Tears from the overwhelming feelings of love I felt in this amazing school was palatable between the students, the staff and each other. I was included on this team ~ I belonged.

However, I must admit, there was one relationship in my life, at the same time, which was not all of the above, it was sticky, sneaky, difficult, resistant, fearful, undermining, unconfident, and dark.

My husband wrote me a note, a beautiful note and put it in my bag on Friday. It said, "Today is not the end, but the beginning of your next adventure!"

Every time the tears started to flow, as I said goodbye to the members of my short lived, fabulous team, a village filled with loving, gifted, supportive people, I thought of my husbands note and smiled.

Today, as my mind plays ping pong with the burr/cone and barrel thoughts, I recite his wise words and feel my mood lift.

I will find my place of belonging again!

Now, it is time to place my focus on all of the wonderful feelings I felt, so that I may create an adventure that vibrates at an even higher vibration of LOVE, full of all of the feelings I so gratefully experienced and then some!

Debbie and Jewel

Cheers!