Dreaming "Life" into Reality!

What is your dream?






Answer this question, feel it, see it, believe it, then... let go of it! Let it fly, let it soar. 

As this fabulous dream becomes reality, magically, doors materialize out of nowhere, as if they were waiting for you to discover them all along. 

These perfectly, beautiful opportunities appear, pulling you toward your dream of dreams! 

Take a deep breath, exhale and walk into the dream. 

                It really is that simple.                                        

We dream life into our hearts, our hearts breath life into our passions, our passion dreams life into reality. Hmmm, how beautiful! (I was pondering today!)

"Burning Barn, GET OUT!"

I just realized that I have been "Running in Mindless Circles" trying to get back into a full time teaching position, which I now see as being the same behavior as when a horse runs back into a "burning barn". It is the only home and place of safety that the horse knows. 

I realized this week that it, this experience, "feels" the same as when I went through my divorce. I would run into people who knew me from the real estate world, after we split up. When they found out I was separated/divorced, they would say, "WHAT you are not still with so and so?" I proceeded to burst into tears most of the time when these exchanges occurred, because it was so incredibly painful to remember and retell the story over and over and over again. 

FYI, there really was LIFE after divorce, as my friends and family assured me there would be. I am amazingly content, settled and happy with Dan. So much so that I shake my head every time I think back on the emotional pain I suffered and the thousands of fears I had about life without my first husband. I was so scared and locked in a state of paralysis. Had I known that life would turn out as it has, I never would have let myself get that LOW or grovel like I did, for him to return. OMG... what a crazy habit that was and apparently still is. Read on. 

This week, I took 2 classes for CEU's to keep my teaching license up to date. Interestingly, I ran into a bunch of teachers who asked me where I was teaching. I looked at them and said, "I am not teaching, I did not get another contract, I have been doing some subbing is all" or something like that cause I just stumbled over my words, because emotions were starting to take over and tears were beginning to form at the corners of my eyes. Anyway, my reaction and the feelings I felt from their words and dropped jaws, was oh so familiar. "WHAT, you do not have a contract with the district?" Astonishment on their faces. 

The epiphany this week was that the HR people in the schools have divorced me. I keep trying to get them to take me back. Yep, I realized that I am "BEGGING" each time I send in an application. Currently, I have 12 active apps in one school district, (I would have more then that, but they stopped me at 12) and I must have 4 or more in other school districts in the area. Good grief, if that is not begging and "running in mindless circles" I don't know what is.

How interesting, the teachers love me and think I should be hired. However, HR says "no". So, I need to stop begging HR to take me back. I need to expand my wings and DO SOMETHING ELSE. I have played this record before, I have thought these thoughts before. But, I am not sure I have "felt" these feelings as deeply as I did this week, before!


FYI, I just got a bill for the 2 classes I took this week. I had no idea they would cost me money as a sub in the district (they never use to and the classes are free for contracted teachers). I actually started laughing when I read the email bill from the school district I have called home for MANY YEARS. Talk about a wake up call!

                                               
                                             
                                      The barn is burning Debbie, GET OUT! 

Granted, I was asked and I agreed, to teach a summer school special ed class for 4 weeks. I signed a short term contract, so it is a done deal. I am also still on the list to sub again in the fall. This simply means that I am lucky, because I have a plan to generate income until I find something better. 


However, because of this huge BFO this week, I am truely "feeling" that it is time to be open to a "new career" for me. One that is a good match... Maybe an LBI career, if there is such a thing. Let's look at this a little deeper. What is an LBI career? Not a job but a career! What does it look like? Feel like? Sound like? 


Left Brain Introvert horses are fabulous on long trail rides. They are calm, confident and dependable. They like the adventure of the trail but can also stand for hours on the rail eating and relaxing. They enjoy attention and do anything for a reward. They might argue if they feel one path or way is better then another but generally speaking, they are great partners in a variety of situations and don't get easily rattled. 

FYI, I put an ad in the newspaper to find Dan... It was a dare. I tried to pull it out a day later. I wish I had the original words I wrote and the actual ad that was posted. The paper changed it almost completely, but Dan found my words among the editors changes and that was what touched my heart. Interestingly, 20 other guys answered the ad. I called them all and told them I was not dating. I tried that with Dan, but my heart was already his. 

Our relationship has not always been easy, but there has always been a solid connection between the two of us. He, as it turns out, is my LBI, my steady partner, my rock!

Enough of that.. I feel that my career is out there, I just have to find it, like Dan and I found each other. 

Dang, this could be an ad to the universe for my "Perfect Career". One where I am amazingly content, settled and happy!!! 

Smooth Sailing...

I was talking to a good friend the other day. I asked her to give me her opinion about a career change I am thinking about making. Her comment surprised me.

She said, "I have no idea why I think about this Debbie, as it is none of my business, but I feel you need to write!"

We were talking on the phone, a tear formed in one eye, tingles shot up the back of my neck and I said, "I only seem to be called to write when my life is filled with emotional, crazy drama! A 'Smooth Sailing' life gives me nothing to write about. I am happy now and life is good, it is perfect! It is the way it should be, but, because of that I really have nothing to say, much less have something exciting to write about."

I have been pondering this conversation for a couple of days. It has been my habit to write, to write volumes in fact, when I am struggling, frustrated, and at my wits end about something that is going on in my life. I must admit, I once led a life full of dramatic events. I was use to living a life full of ups and downs. I was emotionally unbalanced, my emotional fitness was not at it's best. However, I thought that was totally "normal" and thrived upon it. Or, so I thought. Until now.

Interestingly, at the moment I am at peace with my life. Life is running smoothly, I am able to meet each day without a lot of drama, fear or worry. I am becoming a rather centered RBE (right brained extrovert - a Parelli term).

Coincidentally, my horse Ollie is an RBE, at a clinic last summer when Ollie looked at me as though he had no idea what I was asking of him, my instructor told me that Ollie knew the patterns as an RBE, but now that he was using the thinking side of his brain, (acting more like an LBI, Left Brained Introvert) I needed to teach that side of his brain the patterns too. My response was, "Oh my, that makes perfect sense."

Maybe it is the same for me in relationship to my writing! If this is true, then I must teach my confident peaceful self how to write when life is going perfectly.

To write from this peaceful emotionally balanced place of LOVE and contentment is a novel idea to my soul. I am not flat lined, however, I am not living a life on a major adrenaline rush, which is spurred from fear either. I am simply living life, doing what feels like the best option to do in each and every moment. I am living from a different vibration. I react differently to events that once caused fear and worry to arrive. I see these events as opportunities for practice, rather then how I once saw them as possibilities for failure or explosions.

Last night, we had a fabulous opportunity to play an extreme friendly game with the horses. The air was still, the clouds were high, I was in the house, my husband opened the door and hollered in, "I need your help, there is a HUGE balloon in the sky, they need to land in our pasture! The horses are going crazy!" The door slammed, Dan flew toward the barn, the horses were running in circles in their dry lots, heads in the air with their tails flagging!

I calmly slipped on my shoes, took a deep breath as I grabbed my treat bag with my blue Savvy String attached and proceeded to go outside. Above the arena was the balloon. I walked with confidence to the gate, telling myself and Dan that this was a perfect opportunity to play the friendly game with the horses. The balloon was making a loud hissing noise as the pilot adjusted the flow of air. I glanced from the balloon to the horses, knowing that I needed to be the leader for them. I told Dan to head to Ruby's pen, as she was alone. "Go stand with her so she knows she is ok and be CALM!"

I proceeded to move between the balloon and the herd. I noticed Ollie's eyes were bulging from fear, he was trying to get away from the balloon. Hawk was checking to see if he could go under the strand of webbing we use as a gate between the dry lot and the front pasture. Duke, Charm and Jewel were dancing in their dry lots, bucking, kicking and rearing... a very different energy in their pens. Downright playful in fact. In the past, I would have tried to calm my RBE's, but today I decided to be curious and interested in the balloon for my LB horses.

Since, I was in Jewel and Charm's pen now, I asked them to come with me to check out the balloon as it traveled over and away from the dry lots. They followed my leadership and came with me. Charm was licking and chewing, Jewel was watching intently but with a sense of calmness. Ruby was standing with Dan.

Charm and I stood together on top of the small hill, as the balloon landed at the far edge of our property. We watched together, as the air was let out of the sails, I felt a rush of awe come over me. Awe that my horses followed my leadership and were calmer, more confident. Curiosity was the feeling I felt rather then fear. WOW, what a fabulous "extreme friendly game" we were able to share last night.

Remaining calm, confident and curious allowed my herd and husband to follow my lead! It sure is Interesting to see what can result from living life from a place of "Smooth Sailing".

First appeared on http://annamaegold.blogspot.com/2012/06/smooth-sailing.html

What are my gifts? How do we know what our gifts are? I ask myself this often when I think about my dreams. Follow your passion, follow your heart, do what makes you feel fabulous.

My horses make me feel fabulous, playing with them, feeding them, building fences for them, dragging and seeding the pasture. I love all aspects of living on the farm. I enjoy it more when I have company, but I also love it when I am home alone. But, are these my gifts? How do I turn them into a career?

Along with playing with my horses, I like to write, I like to teach,  I like to brainstorm ideas for myself and others.

Are these really my gifts?

I love helping people be the best that they can be, but they do not always like it when I do! Nobody likes to be micromanaged or held accountable. Yet, a couple weeks ago, I had no choice. A student was not following my suggestion. I called the office, the principal came and took her with him. She returned a good 10 minutes later. She was sad, near tears, but she followed the directions.

I saw her the other day, she made sure I knew who she was. I asked her if she thought I was fair. She said yes. I asked her if she would do it again. She said no. She was laughing and smiling and being friendly with me. Here, I was concerned that I had gone to far, that maybe a phase 4 for her was not in her best interest. That maybe I had ruined the relationship. Yet, as I communicated with her a few weeks later, I realized, that my instincts were right. I helped her to be the best that she can be. Even though, it did not "feel" so good earlier when we were at an impasse and I had to call in the troops for support!

Yesterday I was playing with Ollie, I have been playing with "follow my suggestion" games with him all winter, but just recently felt that it was time to play "follow a feel" games with him. We have lovely tight walking and trotting circles. My Instructor helped me find a MUCH deeper neutral recently which changed how I relate to my horses at a deeper level.  Now that I know what that feels like, I am able to go there quicker and easier. HOW INTERESTING!

Thinking!

With the "Follow the Feel" games, I played with having him follow my touch, keep the connection with my hand, don't go to fast, stay with me as I touch your nose and ask for you to go left, right, back and forward. How soft can I be? Can you, can I, can WE stay together? It has been interesting, at first he moved away from my feel, so, I slowed down and got softer. This worked. I asked for one step left, than one step right. One step back and one step forward.... I "FELT" like I was an awkward dancer at first, but than it started to feel like we were moving as one.

Am I suppose to get it off?

I came up with a new way to play this game with my savvy string. I put it over his nose and asked for him to "follow a feel" he was a hoot, we had so much fun. There was a moment in time when he wanted it off, and thought I would reward him for it.. he he he.. NO. But, I did laugh, Oh how I laughed while we played and developed our connection via the string around his muzzle. After a while we both figured out how to keep the string on and move with connection and grace at a walk and trot around the dry lot.

Dancing!

My heart was singing along with his. I strive to fill everyday with this feeling no matter what I am doing. When I don't feel this way, I question and ponder. I brainstorm and experiment with thoughts and ideas until finally I let it all go and I Dance with life.... Sometimes it feels awkward, but than, as if by magic, we connect, we dance and I feel full of grace and gratitude....

Today I was with a couple of students who were verbally battling it out. Oh my, it was a mudslinging moment! My first responsibility was to diffuse the conflict as quickly as I could. I felt that I could help the boy to stop before I could the girl, as she was the furthest from being centered. Interestingly, once I was able to help him to stop, she stopped, but he was near tears. He felt he was the one in trouble.

I said, "Oh no, she started it, I am well aware of that. You were the one I felt I could help out of the argument!" As one of the students said, "She is always angry! That is her normal tone."

I turned to her and said, "Hmmmm is that true?"

She said, "Yes!"

"Do you guys know that you are mirrors of each other?"

The whole class looked at me. I had their two eyes and ears now! So, I proceeded to say, "We get back the energy we put out. In this case you," as I turned to the girl, "put out a very negative energy in your tone." Than I turned to the boy and said, "And you returned it back to her like a reflection in the mirror, you were not in a low mood when you came to class where you?"

He said, "No, not at all!"

"See, you reflected her energy back to her."

Than I turned back to her and said, "It is like a boomerang, your energy came right back to you, do you see that?"

She said, "YES, I DO!"

I than addressed the whole class and said, "OK, so you guys learned something today, right?" They nodded. "The next time someone is upset with you, make sure you check in with yourself first to see if what you are getting from the other person is a reflection of your mood! If it is not, check to make sure you are not 'mirroring' the other person's tone and feeling!"

"If you are mirroring them, than get yourself back to center as quickly as possible. It actually might help the angry person to come back to center as well!"

I looked around the room, all of the students were looking at me with that "WOW" look on their faces. The rest of the class went so smoothly.

The girl with the angry tone, changed her ways and I made sure to let her know that I noticed the change for the positive.

Later, I ran into a long time friend, a school counselor. We chatted for a while about this moment in time. For the first time in a number of weeks, I felt like I had been guided. I was in a place to make a difference today in the lives of these kids. I love it when the UNIVERSE sets us up for success!

(First posted on Empowered Horsemanship)

The Herd Speaks

We are introducing Ruby to the herd. (Charm is the black mare, Jewel is to her left, Ollie is the bay on the other side of the fence, Ruby is the little chestnut to his right and Duke is the chestnut with his head up.)  Hawk was elsewhere nibbling on the new green grass that is just starting to appear. Right before I snapped this picture, the 5 of them were nose to nose, in a beautiful star formation.

I found it interesting, because Hawk was the one who Ollie chased, not Ruby. Ollie bit Hawk and kept him away from Ruby. It was fascinating to watch. The boys have been together for almost a year, so why would Ollie be so dominant over him now?

Today, I put them together again. The 5 of them once again met over the fence, some squealing and pawing took place before they all dispersed to nibble on the grass. Ruby stayed close to Ollie. Than all of a sudden Hawk took off running... The whole herd started to run and play together... Since, than Hawk and Ollie have been hanging out as usual. (I just missed a fabulous picture of them standing side by side.)

Hmm, seems to me that they were all just a wee bit to serious about the newest member of the herd and Hawk had to toss in a little play to lighten them all up a bit!

Could they know what is best to do in an overly serious situation?

When is the last time you listened to the herd and "PLAYED" when life got a little too serious?

                                                           PLAY! PLAY! PLAY!

Dreams ~ Teach!

(Originally posted on "Empowered Horsemanship" blog)

Have you ever had a dream that seemed real? Last night my dream had me back in school, as a STUDENT! Oh my! What was incredibly funny is, I was hiding from the teacher, I had not done my homework and was not prepared to give my presentation.

I was watching the student ahead of me give her presentation with one eye, while the other was looking at the clock, HOPING I would not be called on. Fortunately, there was not enough time left in the hour for me to present my project. Just 5 minutes, certainly not enough time, right??

By the way, I had no idea what my assignment was either! Oh my, talk about scary! Why do we have dreams like this in the first place?

Interestingly, I feel that way here too. I am not ready, nor am I capable of writing a blog for EMP because I have no idea what the assignment is, nor do I think I have anything to teach you. You are all so brilliant!

As my dream continued, I was asked to be prepared to give a report on a particular book tomorrow! I must have had a panicked look on my face because the teacher asked me in those teacher tones I know all too well, "You have read the book, right?"

I confidently answered, "YES!" Knowing full well, I had no idea what book she was talking about! However, since I am a good student, I knew the direction I could take it. At least it was about a book, right? I would find one, read it and be prepared tomorrow for the presentation! Sigh of relief!

The book is the story of my life, the journey I am on, the path I am traveling as it unfolds. It is a story of love between my horses and I, my students and I, the teams I am on, both horse and human. It is about feeling  fabulous or frustrated, about being a team member or not belonging, it is about following the feel, be it happy or sad, grateful or frustrated.

Eagles

I am savoring the feeling of being grateful for an 8 week position I had with special needs students. The students touched my life in ways that I will hold dear for years to come. I loved going to work each and every day. I stayed late, planning and preparing for the next day. I woke up early and enjoyed the beautiful drive to work and back. I had the privilege of seeing a pair of eagles sitting in a tree on my way home. What a site, I was soaring with eagles and they were following me home. WOW, what a feeling of joy and love this was for me. I had fabulous interactions with staff, parents and students. I belonged and financially I was rewarded for my efforts.

Now, I can soak in all I learned, felt and loved about those fabulous 8 weeks, and draw to me my next adventure.

I find that this week my thoughts are vacillating between cone/burr thoughts and beautiful barrel thoughts...

I had the best job ever.
Why did it have to end?
I will never have a job that great again!
I am so grateful that I had such a healing position! I did not even know I needed healing!
I felt like it was a great fit, almost perfect in fact.
I don't want to go back to daily subbing.
I want a job where I feel as though I belong.
I loved my job, darn, now I am grieving the end of it.
I know what I want now because I just felt it for 8 weeks. I felt so many wonderful feelings: loving, supportive, important, belonging, grateful, synergistic, creative, playful, active, fun, exciting, fluid, flexible, happy, peaceful, energized, easy, gifted, respectful and so many more zen feelings each and every day.

Happy, grateful tears streamed down my cheeks on more than one occasion. Tears from the overwhelming feelings of love I felt in this amazing school was palatable between the students, the staff and each other. I was included on this team ~ I belonged.

However, I must admit, there was one relationship in my life, at the same time, which was not all of the above, it was sticky, sneaky, difficult, resistant, fearful, undermining, unconfident, and dark.

My husband wrote me a note, a beautiful note and put it in my bag on Friday. It said, "Today is not the end, but the beginning of your next adventure!"

Every time the tears started to flow, as I said goodbye to the members of my short lived, fabulous team, a village filled with loving, gifted, supportive people, I thought of my husbands note and smiled.

Today, as my mind plays ping pong with the burr/cone and barrel thoughts, I recite his wise words and feel my mood lift.

I will find my place of belonging again!

Now, it is time to place my focus on all of the wonderful feelings I felt, so that I may create an adventure that vibrates at an even higher vibration of LOVE, full of all of the feelings I so gratefully experienced and then some!

Debbie and Jewel

Cheers!

"Heart Songs" and "Mirrors"

Have you ever had a vision of what your home could be, if only you had all the money in the world to make it look like those pictures in the magazines? Just this past weekend, I had the opportunity to see a home I designed and built, on a rather tight budget, in 1987.

What was interesting is it does not look as though it is full of love. It is sleek and shinny, clean as a whistle, the coverings are new, expensive and modern, but something is missing! After pondering this for a while, it occurred to me that the character is missing. It feels sterile and empty. It is missing the “heart songs” of the people who live there.

I felt a moment of grief, after viewing the 41 pictures. Grief for what might have been? Maybe! 

However, when I noticed the LARGE mirror that hangs on a basement wall, I smiled. I hung that mirror shortly after we moved in. It came from the living quarters attached to my parents indoor riding arena, which I once lived in. Trust me, I so wanted to take it with me to this home, but the buyer wanted it to stay. I let it go because it was not worth loosing the sale, over that mirror. In a way my "heart song" remains within the walls and sings loudly whenever someone passes by the mirror!

Jewel and Debbie

Our horses are now our mirror, they reflect our love, our energy and our journey! A couple weeks ago, we heard of a mare, Ruby, who needed a home. She has carried a rider, but apparently sweats profusely when being ridden away from the barn or herd. Since we believe we can help her with this, we decided to go check her out last Saturday. Upon meeting her, Dan thought she was perfect for him, so we agreed to take her. She has had a history of being a difficult trailer loader too! She reared, flipped over and landed on her back, in her effort to not load into the 2 horse trailer with a ramp, that brought her to the half way point. So, understandably, she had no desire to enter our trailer either. With a few moments of patient persistence from my husband and I, she hopped right into our trailer and unloaded with ease upon arriving home 3 hours later. 

Ruby

Throughout the week she has been adjusting. It has not been an easy adjustment. She was lethargic the first 24 hours and appeared to be calm and friendly. The second day however, when Dan was gently brushing her back she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. She tried to stay as far away from him as she possibly could. When loose, she ran away from both of us. She was also trotting, not gaiting, which concerned us a great deal. She is a Rocky Mountain and should have shown some steps of gait. Was she hurt from the fall? 

Ruby in the trailer

Over the next few days we spent time with her doing absolutely nothing until she was curious, than we played with her until she wanted to catch us. It is still winter here and she needed shelter. So we parked the trailer in the arena and made it her home. We fed her her hay from the back of the trailer the first couple of days. With colder weather coming we decided to move the hay to the front of the trailer. With just a little encouragement and a string around her neck, she figured out that she could go in and out. Within a day she was readily jumping into the trailer to eat her hay. 


She even started to hang out in the trailer a great deal of the time. It warmed my heart when I came home from work and saw her calmly standing inside her "HOME" looking out the back door at me.

Sunday, a week after bringing her home, she somehow opened the gate to her pasture and joined two of our horses in their pen. I noticed Duke all puffed up and animated. So I followed his focus. There she was standing calmly next to Ollie. Hawk must have noticed her about the same time because the dominance games began immediately. As I was putting on my coat to head out to separate her from "the boys", I watched her check out the single strand of hot electric 1 inch webbing stretched between the dry lot and the pasture. It easily holds Ollie and Hawk back from entering the pasture. They are tall! As I was putting on my hat, Hawk, one of the geldings, let out a kick in her direction. He did not connect as she darted under the tape into the pasture. Smart cookie. I chuckled. 

Sir Ollie

Ruby walked and trotted around the pasture. I haltered Sir Ollie and stood quietly with him, next to the web gate, as I watched the magical experience unfold before my eyes. Dan walked out to the pasture, halter and lead line in hand. She wandered all over the pasture, Dan wandered around it too. He looked at rocks, trees, the fence line and posts until she noticed him. When she did, she came up to him. He gave her a treat, rubbed her neck for a moment than waked away from her. She turned and walked the other way instead of following him. A moment later, he turned, faced her and went down on one knee. She turned toward him, looked at him, pawed the ground and proceeded to roll about 25 feet from him. She got up, shook, put her head down and nibbled on some grass, her ears and eyes focused on Dan. She lifted her head from the grassy area, mosied over to Dan and lowered her head next to him. He put her halter on from one knee. He gracefully rose to his feet, put his hand on her withers and walked toward us. It was beautiful and inspiring.

Dan and Ruby

We than went on an adventure together, we walked and mosied around the property. We noticed a line was down so we fixed the fence, walked through the trees, let them eat grass and wondered some more together. Ollie was SOOOOOOO CALM. It was fabulous. At one point, I noticed a pile of horse poop a few rows of pine trees in to the grove, which I thought was sitting on a deer path through the trees. So in the mood for a little adventure, I led the way in with Ollie following me confidently...but no, it was just a small circular dead end area! Oops, I had gotten us into a little pickle, which I had to get us out of. 

Ollie was a true partner, as I carefully backed him up between some dead, dry and sharp pine tree branches in order to give us both enough room to turn around. He followed my feel calmly as I proceeded to ask him to turn his front end around one step at a time, even though Ruby lost her confidence and was calling for him. This was funny, cause we were only 4 rows of trees in, she could have seen us if she had looked! 

Dan gently backed her up to keep her from joining us in the small space. This brought her attention back to him which was special. She lowered her head to his hand and waited for us to come back out. TRUST and "heart songs" are developing between them! 

After, I successfully led Ollie out of the woods, we continued on our peaceful, romantic walk. We took  turns leading as we traversed the property. On our walk back up to the barn, Dan jogged and Ruby followed him in the most beautiful smooth gait I have ever seen. It was heartwarming to see. 

WOW, what a wonderful ending to a fantastic, calm, relaxed walk with each other and our horses; our mirrors. 

Happy Valentines Day!