Dreams ~ Teach!

(Originally posted on "Empowered Horsemanship" blog)

Have you ever had a dream that seemed real? Last night my dream had me back in school, as a STUDENT! Oh my! What was incredibly funny is, I was hiding from the teacher, I had not done my homework and was not prepared to give my presentation.

I was watching the student ahead of me give her presentation with one eye, while the other was looking at the clock, HOPING I would not be called on. Fortunately, there was not enough time left in the hour for me to present my project. Just 5 minutes, certainly not enough time, right??

By the way, I had no idea what my assignment was either! Oh my, talk about scary! Why do we have dreams like this in the first place?

Interestingly, I feel that way here too. I am not ready, nor am I capable of writing a blog for EMP because I have no idea what the assignment is, nor do I think I have anything to teach you. You are all so brilliant!

As my dream continued, I was asked to be prepared to give a report on a particular book tomorrow! I must have had a panicked look on my face because the teacher asked me in those teacher tones I know all too well, "You have read the book, right?"

I confidently answered, "YES!" Knowing full well, I had no idea what book she was talking about! However, since I am a good student, I knew the direction I could take it. At least it was about a book, right? I would find one, read it and be prepared tomorrow for the presentation! Sigh of relief!

The book is the story of my life, the journey I am on, the path I am traveling as it unfolds. It is a story of love between my horses and I, my students and I, the teams I am on, both horse and human. It is about feeling  fabulous or frustrated, about being a team member or not belonging, it is about following the feel, be it happy or sad, grateful or frustrated.

Eagles

I am savoring the feeling of being grateful for an 8 week position I had with special needs students. The students touched my life in ways that I will hold dear for years to come. I loved going to work each and every day. I stayed late, planning and preparing for the next day. I woke up early and enjoyed the beautiful drive to work and back. I had the privilege of seeing a pair of eagles sitting in a tree on my way home. What a site, I was soaring with eagles and they were following me home. WOW, what a feeling of joy and love this was for me. I had fabulous interactions with staff, parents and students. I belonged and financially I was rewarded for my efforts.

Now, I can soak in all I learned, felt and loved about those fabulous 8 weeks, and draw to me my next adventure.

I find that this week my thoughts are vacillating between cone/burr thoughts and beautiful barrel thoughts...

I had the best job ever.
Why did it have to end?
I will never have a job that great again!
I am so grateful that I had such a healing position! I did not even know I needed healing!
I felt like it was a great fit, almost perfect in fact.
I don't want to go back to daily subbing.
I want a job where I feel as though I belong.
I loved my job, darn, now I am grieving the end of it.
I know what I want now because I just felt it for 8 weeks. I felt so many wonderful feelings: loving, supportive, important, belonging, grateful, synergistic, creative, playful, active, fun, exciting, fluid, flexible, happy, peaceful, energized, easy, gifted, respectful and so many more zen feelings each and every day.

Happy, grateful tears streamed down my cheeks on more than one occasion. Tears from the overwhelming feelings of love I felt in this amazing school was palatable between the students, the staff and each other. I was included on this team ~ I belonged.

However, I must admit, there was one relationship in my life, at the same time, which was not all of the above, it was sticky, sneaky, difficult, resistant, fearful, undermining, unconfident, and dark.

My husband wrote me a note, a beautiful note and put it in my bag on Friday. It said, "Today is not the end, but the beginning of your next adventure!"

Every time the tears started to flow, as I said goodbye to the members of my short lived, fabulous team, a village filled with loving, gifted, supportive people, I thought of my husbands note and smiled.

Today, as my mind plays ping pong with the burr/cone and barrel thoughts, I recite his wise words and feel my mood lift.

I will find my place of belonging again!

Now, it is time to place my focus on all of the wonderful feelings I felt, so that I may create an adventure that vibrates at an even higher vibration of LOVE, full of all of the feelings I so gratefully experienced and then some!

Debbie and Jewel

Cheers!

"Heart Songs" and "Mirrors"

Have you ever had a vision of what your home could be, if only you had all the money in the world to make it look like those pictures in the magazines? Just this past weekend, I had the opportunity to see a home I designed and built, on a rather tight budget, in 1987.

What was interesting is it does not look as though it is full of love. It is sleek and shinny, clean as a whistle, the coverings are new, expensive and modern, but something is missing! After pondering this for a while, it occurred to me that the character is missing. It feels sterile and empty. It is missing the “heart songs” of the people who live there.

I felt a moment of grief, after viewing the 41 pictures. Grief for what might have been? Maybe! 

However, when I noticed the LARGE mirror that hangs on a basement wall, I smiled. I hung that mirror shortly after we moved in. It came from the living quarters attached to my parents indoor riding arena, which I once lived in. Trust me, I so wanted to take it with me to this home, but the buyer wanted it to stay. I let it go because it was not worth loosing the sale, over that mirror. In a way my "heart song" remains within the walls and sings loudly whenever someone passes by the mirror!

Jewel and Debbie

Our horses are now our mirror, they reflect our love, our energy and our journey! A couple weeks ago, we heard of a mare, Ruby, who needed a home. She has carried a rider, but apparently sweats profusely when being ridden away from the barn or herd. Since we believe we can help her with this, we decided to go check her out last Saturday. Upon meeting her, Dan thought she was perfect for him, so we agreed to take her. She has had a history of being a difficult trailer loader too! She reared, flipped over and landed on her back, in her effort to not load into the 2 horse trailer with a ramp, that brought her to the half way point. So, understandably, she had no desire to enter our trailer either. With a few moments of patient persistence from my husband and I, she hopped right into our trailer and unloaded with ease upon arriving home 3 hours later. 

Ruby

Throughout the week she has been adjusting. It has not been an easy adjustment. She was lethargic the first 24 hours and appeared to be calm and friendly. The second day however, when Dan was gently brushing her back she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. She tried to stay as far away from him as she possibly could. When loose, she ran away from both of us. She was also trotting, not gaiting, which concerned us a great deal. She is a Rocky Mountain and should have shown some steps of gait. Was she hurt from the fall? 

Ruby in the trailer

Over the next few days we spent time with her doing absolutely nothing until she was curious, than we played with her until she wanted to catch us. It is still winter here and she needed shelter. So we parked the trailer in the arena and made it her home. We fed her her hay from the back of the trailer the first couple of days. With colder weather coming we decided to move the hay to the front of the trailer. With just a little encouragement and a string around her neck, she figured out that she could go in and out. Within a day she was readily jumping into the trailer to eat her hay. 


She even started to hang out in the trailer a great deal of the time. It warmed my heart when I came home from work and saw her calmly standing inside her "HOME" looking out the back door at me.

Sunday, a week after bringing her home, she somehow opened the gate to her pasture and joined two of our horses in their pen. I noticed Duke all puffed up and animated. So I followed his focus. There she was standing calmly next to Ollie. Hawk must have noticed her about the same time because the dominance games began immediately. As I was putting on my coat to head out to separate her from "the boys", I watched her check out the single strand of hot electric 1 inch webbing stretched between the dry lot and the pasture. It easily holds Ollie and Hawk back from entering the pasture. They are tall! As I was putting on my hat, Hawk, one of the geldings, let out a kick in her direction. He did not connect as she darted under the tape into the pasture. Smart cookie. I chuckled. 

Sir Ollie

Ruby walked and trotted around the pasture. I haltered Sir Ollie and stood quietly with him, next to the web gate, as I watched the magical experience unfold before my eyes. Dan walked out to the pasture, halter and lead line in hand. She wandered all over the pasture, Dan wandered around it too. He looked at rocks, trees, the fence line and posts until she noticed him. When she did, she came up to him. He gave her a treat, rubbed her neck for a moment than waked away from her. She turned and walked the other way instead of following him. A moment later, he turned, faced her and went down on one knee. She turned toward him, looked at him, pawed the ground and proceeded to roll about 25 feet from him. She got up, shook, put her head down and nibbled on some grass, her ears and eyes focused on Dan. She lifted her head from the grassy area, mosied over to Dan and lowered her head next to him. He put her halter on from one knee. He gracefully rose to his feet, put his hand on her withers and walked toward us. It was beautiful and inspiring.

Dan and Ruby

We than went on an adventure together, we walked and mosied around the property. We noticed a line was down so we fixed the fence, walked through the trees, let them eat grass and wondered some more together. Ollie was SOOOOOOO CALM. It was fabulous. At one point, I noticed a pile of horse poop a few rows of pine trees in to the grove, which I thought was sitting on a deer path through the trees. So in the mood for a little adventure, I led the way in with Ollie following me confidently...but no, it was just a small circular dead end area! Oops, I had gotten us into a little pickle, which I had to get us out of. 

Ollie was a true partner, as I carefully backed him up between some dead, dry and sharp pine tree branches in order to give us both enough room to turn around. He followed my feel calmly as I proceeded to ask him to turn his front end around one step at a time, even though Ruby lost her confidence and was calling for him. This was funny, cause we were only 4 rows of trees in, she could have seen us if she had looked! 

Dan gently backed her up to keep her from joining us in the small space. This brought her attention back to him which was special. She lowered her head to his hand and waited for us to come back out. TRUST and "heart songs" are developing between them! 

After, I successfully led Ollie out of the woods, we continued on our peaceful, romantic walk. We took  turns leading as we traversed the property. On our walk back up to the barn, Dan jogged and Ruby followed him in the most beautiful smooth gait I have ever seen. It was heartwarming to see. 

WOW, what a wonderful ending to a fantastic, calm, relaxed walk with each other and our horses; our mirrors. 

Happy Valentines Day!